Ever Feel Like Giving Up?

If the answer to the question above is no then woohoo.  Yet, I would bet that most of you know that feeling quite well.  I know that there are times in my life that I have gone through several weeks at a time going I don't want to fight anymore.  Then all of a sudden the giant flare subsides and I think okay maybe I can get through this.  That is until the next flare hits and I am ready to toss in the towel.

Most people with one chronic illness also have the blessing of having more than one effecting you and knocking you down in a different direction.  I am blessed with several the two with the most impact today are the Menieres and the Gastroparesis.  That doesn't mean that the other 5 don't flare up and put me through their own struggles.  Yet, Menieres and Gastroparesis have away of playing against each other in such a way that I fight one or both daily.  Okay honestly hourly would be more like the fighting schedule but who is counting.  

Here is what I have learned giving up is not an option.  I can't throw in the towel because of what it would do for those around me that support me each day.  Believe it or not you are someones hero. I never thought of myself as anything more than someone that was sick.  Someone that was dealt the short stick.  I have been mad and a times wanted to just get it over with.  Then all of a sudden out of the blue someone will walk up to me and tell me that I am their inspiration.  the first time that I happened I thought you got to be kidding.  You better go pick someone else because this beat up body and worth someone being inspired by it.

The I came to realize that people that saw me each day knew what I was going through.  They saw me fighting with all I could to keep having as much a normal life as I could.  I have days that getting out of bed is my biggest accomplishment.  Yet, I did it.  Other days watching TV and talking to my friends occurs.  then other days I go outside and visit with people especially my supporters.

The amount of my supporters has grown over time.  See supporters are there because they know you are fighting.  If you have thrown in the towel then you aren't around those that would be there to help you through the day.  People that support individuals with chronic illnesses do it because they love you.  They see your fighting and are amazed that you give it your all.  Even when it is small things that happen they are there in your corner celebrating.

I have a phrase line that I use and those that know me can look in my eyes and tell if I am honest or faking it.  If asked how I am doing I always say fine.  Even when I cant put a sip of water on my nauseous tummy.  Even when standing is a victory in itself.  For those casual observers that want to know that I am fine they accept this little statement and keep going on with their life.  Yet, those that really know me look at me and usually say good try what is going on.  Even better some will say world spinning or let's not worry about eating today.  They have come to love me and through my eyes they can tell what is going on.  

So Giving up is not an option for me.  I do have days when throwing in the towel sounds like the best option in the world.  Then I stop and go I have had worse days then this.  I made it through that battle last week.  I was able to do something yesterday that I am shocked that I pulled off.  Heck what will people think if the Deacon says enough is enough.  I have learned that having faith gets me by when nothing else works.  See deep down inside I know that one day they will figure this out and no one will ever have to have these illnesses.  Maybe not in my lifetime.  Yet, I am willing to be a guinea pig so that others can get through it better than I have.  

So the next time you say today is the day I am giving up.  Stop, think about it a moment and remember the days that you did get through it.  Think about those that would mourn your loss if you through in the towel of defeat.  Most importantly take care of yourself and get through that day so tomorrow you can look back and say I did it.  The only way to survive being sick is trying your best to be positive.  Find something that you can grab hold of that will keep you sane and don't let it go.  As long as you have that one thing then you will know that fighting is worth the fight.

For my fellow fighters keep on fighting and remember one day they will figure this out and we will have won.  Until then don't give up hope.  It is okay to rest on bad days,  but on the good days enjoy life to your fullest because you deserve it.    

There is so much more and remember this is something that I live with and am writing from my perspective.  Talk to a doctor if you feel you may have this or any other disease because without proper diagnosis you will never get the treatment you deserve. 

Small things Make a BIG difference when you Struggle Everyday

A quick picker upper.  There are multiple little tasks that you accomplish each day.  Those little accomplishments need to be what you focus on.  True it would be great if you could do the big things again.  Yet, when you are able to accomplish the smallest of tasks your heart can soar.

True Story and it concerns this blog.  I have been watching for a few weeks because I was getting close to a magic number.  One that would mean that I had done some good.  I started this thinking I might get a hit every once in a while.  It basically was my way of dealing with the struggles that I was going through.  I was shocked when in no time flat I had a hundred hits.  I thought there must be a few people that read this and hopefully they are getting the calmness that I am getting from writing it.

Just yesterday I hit another one of those milestones I went over a 1000 hits to the blog.  I can tell you right now that to me that made a great impact on me.  See I have days when all I want to do is lay in bed all day.  There are other days that I get so mad that I want to fight the whole world. Yet, knowing that someone might think things a little different the next time they are having one of those days keeps me going.

How about you?   I know if you are reading this your trying to find a positive spin on life.  I try my best to stay up beat because it is the only way to keep me in check.  See some days just getting out of bed is a major accomplishment and for that I say yeehaw.  Other days being able to write down my thoughts is a major accomplishment and for that I am grateful.  Other days going ten minutes without the world spinning means that I can enjoy something special.  Other days it is eating without getting extremely nauseous and for that I thank my body for being nice.

You don't have to climb Mount Everest.  You don't have to run a marathon.  All you need to do is find those little things that make a big difference in your life.  Yesterday it was getting a thousand hits.  Today it was getting to hold my little man Adam, pictured above.  He knows when I am in the middle of a great spin so he jumps on my lap and helps me through it so that I can continue on with life.  See we all have something special in our life.

When you start adding up all the small things that make you feel better today you can realize that you have done something big.  If that means waking up and making it to your front room. Snuggling with your precious children, for me the four legged kind.  If you are reading this you can add that to your I did something today for me list.  I encourage everyone to start looking around them and see just how many small things you get done in one day.

I would love for those that do it to share with the others that read.  Write a comment about how many things that you did in one day no matter how small that were major accomplishments.  I have got four so far today.

1. woke up
2. got out of bed
3. snuggled with Adam
4. wrote this blog

Not bad for a start of the day.  All of these small things will eventually add up to a day full of accomplishments.  Don't be surprised if your list is longer than you ever thought it would be.

For my fellow fighters keep on fighting and remember one day they will figure this out and we will have won.  Until then don't give up hope.  It is okay to rest on bad days,  but on the good days enjoy life to your fullest because you deserve it.    

There is so much more and remember this is something that I live with and am writing from my perspective.  Talk to a doctor if you feel you may have this or any other disease because without proper diagnosis you will never get the treatment you deserve. 

Being Support for those that Support you

Hopefully, you are lucky like me and you have people that support you through the rough times.  Chronic illnesses not only effect you but everyone that loves and cares about you.  Just as your feel hopeless they too feel the same way.  when you are having a bad day they too are having one because they do not know how to help.  When you are stressed they see feel your anxiety it bleeds over to them and their level of stress rises.

Supporters need someone that they can talk to that isn't you.  That is the first and most important thing that you can do to help the people that are there for you. Do not try to be their everything they need others in their life just like you need them in your life.  Don't get mad if they want to spend time with a friend or family member while you are at home.  It does both of you good.  It allows you some independence and it gives them a chance to walk away from the situation and regroup.

Do not get mad if your supporter can do more things than you can.  We all go through struggles of getting mad because of loss of certain independence.  Yet, you cannot be mad if they can do things that you use to be able to do.  That is the beauty of having a supporter in the first place.  They will know when they can help you and when to let you do it yourself.  When you get mad because they can do something that you use to your are putting undo stress on them.  Be glad that they can help you when you need it.

Don't over burden your supporter.  Hard medicine to swallow isn't it.  If you think that they should be at your beck and call you will soon be disappointed.  They have a life also.  If there is something that you cannot do wait until they are free to ask for the support.  Wise woman told me once that I can only get help if I allow others the chance to do it.  Sum it up if you demand it then it isn't help it becomes work for the supporter and that is a heavy burden for them to bear.

Encourage them to do activities that they enjoy even if you cant do it with them.  See supporters need to know that it is okay for them to do the things that they love.  Don't make them feel guilty if they can run that race you use to do.  Climb the mountains that you use to.  Simply go to the store and carry the bags to the car without a cart.  See how easy it is to let them enjoy their own activities it lets them keep a sense of who they are.  Then when you need help it isn't a dread instead it is a pleasure because they are living as normal life as they can.

Be honest and don't push yourself to do things that will hurt you in the end.  Supporters need to know up front if you aren't going to be able to do something that you thought you would be able to do.  Don't make them feel like they pushed you into a situation you cannot handle.  It isn't fair to them.  Instead if you know that they want to do something that you cant do then just be up front and honest and say so.  But at the same time tell them to go ahead and do it.  Encourage them.  I have seen several people that do marathons because they are doing it for a love one that wished they could.  Just think how they feel especially if they are encouraged to do those things and with you on their mind you are getting to do it also.

For my fellow fighters keep on fighting and remember one day they will figure this out and we will have won.  Until then don't give up hope.  It is okay to rest on bad days,  but on the good days enjoy life to your fullest because you deserve it.    

There is so much more and remember this is something that I live with and am writing from my perspective.  Talk to a doctor if you feel you may have this or any other disease because without proper diagnosis you will never get the treatment you deserve. 

The Chronic Illness Statements

This is a hard topic to discuss because all of us at one time or another has bad days.  Yet, when you suffer from chronic illnesses there are many times that your good days are the general populations bad days.  Yet, people do not understand why you act the way you do.  are the statements that drive me and so many others insane and how to fight back.

1. You Don't look sick....my response is Thank God.  If I looked as bad as I felt I would need to go turn myself into the coroner.  Changes people's attitude immediately.
2. You look like your doing good today...my response Great...I must look like death warmed over the rest of the time.
3. The rhetorical How are you feeling statement...response...you really want to know or do you want my old stand by...I am fine
4. What you mean you cant drive...response...well I can if you don't mind if you are the car in front of me when my hid starts spinning.
5. You are way too young to be that sick...response...great now your saying my body is old...cause I really do feel this sick.
6. I made this just for you why aren't you eating...response...well I decided I wouldn't get sick at your house today...but if you would refer that give me a big ol bowl of it.
7. There has to be a cure...response...yeah there was a cure but I decided to stay sick for the sympathy..
8. You had to do something to get sick...response...you are right....I got it because I judged someone that didn't look sick.
9. I saw you yesterday and you looked so good. what did you do to make yourself so sick today....response...stuck my head in a blender thought i should let it spin so i could get sick.
10. Last but not least...my all time favorite...I hope I don't ever get that sick...response...come on join the fun...I mean I really could use a sick buddy...want you do it for me?

See most people don't realize the statements are so hurting.  They only feel the pain when they themselves are faced with illness.   So getting mad doesn't help them understand what they are doing.  Turning it into a comedy routine helps boast your morale.  It also helps them see how insane their statement really is...don't forget people are not trying to be mean.  Our society just has a hard time dealing with illness.  We expect the medical field to cure all our ills.  So when we don't immediately get well then the thought is you must not be trying hard enough.

For my fellow fighters keep on fighting and remember one day they will figure this out and we will have won.  Until then don't give up hope.  It is okay to rest on bad days,  but on the good days enjoy life to your fullest because you deserve it.    

There is so much more and remember this is something that I live with and am writing from my perspective.  Talk to a doctor if you feel you may have this or any other disease because without proper diagnosis you will never get the treatment you deserve. 

Accepting your illness

The first step of getting better is accepting your illness.  It doesn't mean you cant be mad about being sick.  It doesn't mean you have to be happy about being sick.  It simply means that you accept what you have been given.

Instead of fighting your body you have to learn to live with it.  Yes, you will have limits but that doesn't mean your life is over.  In fact, you might find that your limits in one area increases what you do in another area.  I can tell you from my own experience it is hard to accept that you can't do what you use to do.  Yet, now I have more time to spread awareness and help find a cure.

I have days where I get mad because I cant do something that I did before.  My hardest thing is being dependent on people for a lot of tasks that I use to do myself.  The fact I cant leave my house unless someone drives me actually drives me insane.  Yet, I have realized that I can leave my situation by watching TV or reading.  I am catapulted away to somewhere different than where I am actually at.  My escape is now all mentally produced but it does help a little bit with the driving issue.

There are days I get mad because I see someone eating something that I am craving.  Knowing deep down if I even took one bite I would pay for days.  So I have learned to enjoy what I do get to eat. When someone is eating something I am craving i just imagine what I am eating is the same thing.  Amazing how you can let your mind wonder and create your own space.

So yes accepting your illness is very hard.  You have to learn that it isn't your fault.  You didn't do this to yourself.  Most chronic illnesses are caused by something you cannot control.  The two that bother me most are both idiopathic.  No one knows what caused it and all I have to do is to learn to accept it.  When I fight it I come to realize that it is harder for me to deal with and a lot of times I get sicker because I am worrying about it.  So I have decided just to live within the limits and know that one day they might figure it all out until then I will keep on keeping on.

For my fellow fighters keep on fighting and remember one day they will figure this out and we will have won.  Until then don't give up hope.  It is okay to rest on bad days,  but on the good days enjoy life to your fullest because you deserve it.    

There is so much more and remember this is something that I live with and am writing from my perspective.  Talk to a doctor if you feel you may have this or any other disease because without proper diagnosis you will never get the treatment you deserve. 

The six dreaded Letters of Chronic Illness

So what are the six letters dreaded letters of Chronic illness S T R E S S.  That is right the worse thing that can happen when you are sick is to have stress in your life.  Yet, how do you avoid stress when you are feeling sick.  Furthermore how does anyone avoid stress in their life.  Are we not constantly surrounded with people, events and circumstances that STRESS us out.  The body does not like stress and if you add in a chronic illness you are setting yourself up for a major flare up.

It is vital that you learn to release stress in a positive way.  Holding on to it will only make you sicker.  I know you are thinking easier said than done.  I know just how you feel there are times that the only way that I know how to deal with stress is to scream.  I call it my fight back mode.  Yet, there are several things that you can do to fight stress in a positive way.

1. Don't do it alone.  Hiding yourself from people when you are stressed out keeps you from sharing the load with someone that may be able to help you.
2. Don't dwell on the negative things in Life.  We all have things that are going good in our life. When things are stressing you out think about the things that put a smile on your face.
3. Don't be mad at your body.  Being mad at your body will only make it sicker.  Instead rejoice in the things that you can do.
4. Pick up a hobby.  Everyone of us has something we like.  Maybe it is playing a game on the computer.  Maybe you can write letters or even start a blog.  Find something that you can use as a distraction.
5. Don't give up.  This is the most important one that I have found useful in my battle of stress. I want to be the victor.  To do that I cannot give up I have to fight harder today than I did yesterday.  Yet, fighting gives me control and sometimes that is the best way to deal with stress.

So if you are stressed out today don't feel alone.  We all go through different stresses throughout the day.  Yet, we can make it because we are strong.  The power to be the victor is within us we can conquer stress if we just fight the hard fight.  Be sake and always remember that tomorrow is just a few hours away.

For my fellow fighters keep on fighting and remember one day they will figure this out and we will have won.  Until then don't give up hope.  It is okay to rest on bad days,  but on the good days enjoy life to your fullest because you deserve it.    

There is so much more and remember this is something that I live with and am writing from my perspective.  Talk to a doctor if you feel you may have this or any other disease because without proper diagnosis you will never get the treatment you deserve. 

What can I eat

This subject is what scares everyone that has Gastroparesis.  If you have Menieres you know that your diet it just as tricky.  Most people with one chronic illness also have another illness that complicates the issue of what to eat.  You might not be able to eat gluten, yet are not suppose to have starch, oh wait no fiber and don't think about adding salt.  So the question comes what can I eat?

This has bothered me for sometime and I have being learning to live with my pacer.  See life changes when you aren't as nauseous as before.  You become a little risk taker and then you find out that somethings are off the list for good.  The best thing that I have learned through this whole process is that no two of us are alike.  What I can tolerate would send others down a deep spiral.  What others eat I can't even handle the taste with out the nausea starting.

Some people swear by juicing others by puree.  Some say baby food others try soft solids.  The goal is finding out what you can do that makes you get through the day.  Remember what you eat today may not be something you can eat tomorrow.  Don't beat yourself up if you try something and it doesn't work.  We learn over time to become one with the body.  Once you quit fighting and eat what your body can handle then you will start to get better.

Now I laugh and say that since my pacer I have started to lose weight.  Which for me is a great thing.  I am actually eating healthier and my body is getting the proper nutrients.  I still have trouble with the fiber components but that is okay they just take to long to break down.  I can enjoy food now because I have learned that food isn't my enemy.  My body isn't my enemy they are a tag team that need to work together.  If you eat the right food and the correct amount you will win the battle.

Now what about those that can't eat anything.  Once you get to that point the doctors help with parental feedings or use an NG tube.  If you are at this point don't get mad.  The frustration can set in quick because most of the things we do in life revolve around food.  So here is what I suggest be the owner of your new life.  don't get mad get even.  What I am saying is take control don't give up.  Be happy that you have a way of still moving on with life.  

I learned a valuable lesson and that is people will look at us that suffer and be amazed with what we do.  There are people in your life that think you are wonderful.  They know how you feel and they put you on a pedestal when you accomplish milestones.  My friends are my biggest supporters and when they see me do things they are excited.  

So keep a diary of what you can eat so that you know what works and what doesn't.  Also keep a diary of what all you accomplished that day.  You will soon learn that the one diary is more important than the other.  For me what I got done today is better than what I can eat.  Now I concentrate on it and my life is much happier.  Guess what I can add posting this today to my list of accomplishes.  What have you done that makes you smile today?


For my fellow fighters keep on fighting and remember one day they will figure this out and we will have won.  Until then don't give up hope.  It is okay to rest on bad days,  but on the good days enjoy life to your fullest because you deserve it.    

There is so much more and remember this is something that I live with and am writing from my perspective.  Talk to a doctor if you feel you may have this or any other disease because without proper diagnosis you will never get the treatment you deserve.