The Edge

One of my favorite things is to get photos of God's creation as they are facing their largest challenge.  This is one of my favorite photos because I wonder just what this little guy is thinking.   In my mind he is deciding if he is going to jump.

Haven't we often got to the edge and wondered if we should jump.  I know that this happens to me all the time. Those simple jumps of life. Most people would see them as minor speed bumps but in my eye they are giant mountains.  I have to decide right then and there do I need to take that plunge or just stand there and look over the edge.

Recently,  I have had several of those moments when I had to make very hard decisions.  Knowing if I Jumped I wouldn't be getting the chance to change my mind after making the decision.  But I realized that I had to take several plunges knowing I would not be able to ask for a do over.

Most of my decisions were made by the side effects of my illnesses.  Gastroparesis and Menieres Disease have a way of forcing you to either jump or to just stare at the edge of the cliff.  The sad part is that a lot of time the plunges you are making are into areas that limit what you can do.  Yet, the mountains where you just have to stare off the edge of the cliff are usually overlooking the things you dream of doing.

I know that I wish I never had to limit things I do.  I would rather have the freedom to come and go as I please, without feeling spins.  I wish I could eat anything at anytime, without the nausea.  The saddest part is that I will never be able to do things the same way I did before.

This has brought me to another mountain and one that is the hardest for so many to face.  The fact that you can never do what you did before.  That you will even loose more Independence over time.  That you will get sicker.  That you can not go back and make up for the time you wasted when you felt better.

So I have had to take that plunge over the cliff.  Yet, here is where you can make that plunge either a positive or negative impact.  You may never be able to do the same thing the same way.  There are times you will have to ask others to help you with task that you use to do all the time by yourself.  Yet, anytime you can enjoy just a little of what you could do before soak it up.

Enjoy those moments and don't worry about the next edge.  You have to live in the current moment and if you get to an unexpected cliff don't freak out.  Just take a deep breath and say to yourself no matter what happens I will do my best.  Then if your head spins or the nausea overtakes you.  Know that you can take charge of the decision and even if the disease pushes you over the edge.  When you hit the bottom you can make it a positive result if you decide that is what you want.

If you are reading this blog then you will know how I turned all the negativity that was happening into something positive.  There are days that I can't hold my head up because my spins are rough and I know that I can't type.  There are other days that my stomach is so upset that sitting up just ain't happening.  Any day that I feel well then I will work on the blog.  Even If it takes a while and I have to rest, like today.  See you can make it positive when you fall off the edge if you decide too.

For my fellow fighters keep on fighting and remember one day they will figure this out and we will have won.  Until then don't give up hope.  It is okay to rest on bad days,  but on the good days enjoy life to your fullest because you deserve it.    

There is so much more and remember this is something that I live with and am writing from my perspective.  Talk to a doctor if you feel you may have this or any other disease because without proper diagnosis you will never get the treatment you deserve.