Being Support for those that Support you

Hopefully, you are lucky like me and you have people that support you through the rough times.  Chronic illnesses not only effect you but everyone that loves and cares about you.  Just as your feel hopeless they too feel the same way.  when you are having a bad day they too are having one because they do not know how to help.  When you are stressed they see feel your anxiety it bleeds over to them and their level of stress rises.

Supporters need someone that they can talk to that isn't you.  That is the first and most important thing that you can do to help the people that are there for you. Do not try to be their everything they need others in their life just like you need them in your life.  Don't get mad if they want to spend time with a friend or family member while you are at home.  It does both of you good.  It allows you some independence and it gives them a chance to walk away from the situation and regroup.

Do not get mad if your supporter can do more things than you can.  We all go through struggles of getting mad because of loss of certain independence.  Yet, you cannot be mad if they can do things that you use to be able to do.  That is the beauty of having a supporter in the first place.  They will know when they can help you and when to let you do it yourself.  When you get mad because they can do something that you use to your are putting undo stress on them.  Be glad that they can help you when you need it.

Don't over burden your supporter.  Hard medicine to swallow isn't it.  If you think that they should be at your beck and call you will soon be disappointed.  They have a life also.  If there is something that you cannot do wait until they are free to ask for the support.  Wise woman told me once that I can only get help if I allow others the chance to do it.  Sum it up if you demand it then it isn't help it becomes work for the supporter and that is a heavy burden for them to bear.

Encourage them to do activities that they enjoy even if you cant do it with them.  See supporters need to know that it is okay for them to do the things that they love.  Don't make them feel guilty if they can run that race you use to do.  Climb the mountains that you use to.  Simply go to the store and carry the bags to the car without a cart.  See how easy it is to let them enjoy their own activities it lets them keep a sense of who they are.  Then when you need help it isn't a dread instead it is a pleasure because they are living as normal life as they can.

Be honest and don't push yourself to do things that will hurt you in the end.  Supporters need to know up front if you aren't going to be able to do something that you thought you would be able to do.  Don't make them feel like they pushed you into a situation you cannot handle.  It isn't fair to them.  Instead if you know that they want to do something that you cant do then just be up front and honest and say so.  But at the same time tell them to go ahead and do it.  Encourage them.  I have seen several people that do marathons because they are doing it for a love one that wished they could.  Just think how they feel especially if they are encouraged to do those things and with you on their mind you are getting to do it also.

For my fellow fighters keep on fighting and remember one day they will figure this out and we will have won.  Until then don't give up hope.  It is okay to rest on bad days,  but on the good days enjoy life to your fullest because you deserve it.    

There is so much more and remember this is something that I live with and am writing from my perspective.  Talk to a doctor if you feel you may have this or any other disease because without proper diagnosis you will never get the treatment you deserve.