Ever Feel Like Giving Up?

If the answer to the question above is no then woohoo.  Yet, I would bet that most of you know that feeling quite well.  I know that there are times in my life that I have gone through several weeks at a time going I don't want to fight anymore.  Then all of a sudden the giant flare subsides and I think okay maybe I can get through this.  That is until the next flare hits and I am ready to toss in the towel.

Most people with one chronic illness also have the blessing of having more than one effecting you and knocking you down in a different direction.  I am blessed with several the two with the most impact today are the Menieres and the Gastroparesis.  That doesn't mean that the other 5 don't flare up and put me through their own struggles.  Yet, Menieres and Gastroparesis have away of playing against each other in such a way that I fight one or both daily.  Okay honestly hourly would be more like the fighting schedule but who is counting.  

Here is what I have learned giving up is not an option.  I can't throw in the towel because of what it would do for those around me that support me each day.  Believe it or not you are someones hero. I never thought of myself as anything more than someone that was sick.  Someone that was dealt the short stick.  I have been mad and a times wanted to just get it over with.  Then all of a sudden out of the blue someone will walk up to me and tell me that I am their inspiration.  the first time that I happened I thought you got to be kidding.  You better go pick someone else because this beat up body and worth someone being inspired by it.

The I came to realize that people that saw me each day knew what I was going through.  They saw me fighting with all I could to keep having as much a normal life as I could.  I have days that getting out of bed is my biggest accomplishment.  Yet, I did it.  Other days watching TV and talking to my friends occurs.  then other days I go outside and visit with people especially my supporters.

The amount of my supporters has grown over time.  See supporters are there because they know you are fighting.  If you have thrown in the towel then you aren't around those that would be there to help you through the day.  People that support individuals with chronic illnesses do it because they love you.  They see your fighting and are amazed that you give it your all.  Even when it is small things that happen they are there in your corner celebrating.

I have a phrase line that I use and those that know me can look in my eyes and tell if I am honest or faking it.  If asked how I am doing I always say fine.  Even when I cant put a sip of water on my nauseous tummy.  Even when standing is a victory in itself.  For those casual observers that want to know that I am fine they accept this little statement and keep going on with their life.  Yet, those that really know me look at me and usually say good try what is going on.  Even better some will say world spinning or let's not worry about eating today.  They have come to love me and through my eyes they can tell what is going on.  

So Giving up is not an option for me.  I do have days when throwing in the towel sounds like the best option in the world.  Then I stop and go I have had worse days then this.  I made it through that battle last week.  I was able to do something yesterday that I am shocked that I pulled off.  Heck what will people think if the Deacon says enough is enough.  I have learned that having faith gets me by when nothing else works.  See deep down inside I know that one day they will figure this out and no one will ever have to have these illnesses.  Maybe not in my lifetime.  Yet, I am willing to be a guinea pig so that others can get through it better than I have.  

So the next time you say today is the day I am giving up.  Stop, think about it a moment and remember the days that you did get through it.  Think about those that would mourn your loss if you through in the towel of defeat.  Most importantly take care of yourself and get through that day so tomorrow you can look back and say I did it.  The only way to survive being sick is trying your best to be positive.  Find something that you can grab hold of that will keep you sane and don't let it go.  As long as you have that one thing then you will know that fighting is worth the fight.

For my fellow fighters keep on fighting and remember one day they will figure this out and we will have won.  Until then don't give up hope.  It is okay to rest on bad days,  but on the good days enjoy life to your fullest because you deserve it.    

There is so much more and remember this is something that I live with and am writing from my perspective.  Talk to a doctor if you feel you may have this or any other disease because without proper diagnosis you will never get the treatment you deserve.